Pillow Talk: A collection of NJO vignettes
by JediMasterJaina
Summary: NEW VIGNETTE UP! Just a collection of NJO vignettes. Some are slighty AU, but all are based upon the NJO. R&R please!
1. Rest in Pieces

**REST IN PIECES**- a Kyp Durron vignette

_Look at me, my depth perception must be off again  
Cause this hurts deeper than I thought it did  
It has not healed with time  
It just shot down my spine  _

I never really noticed just how much Jaina really meant to me until I saw her with Jag. I knew that they were meant to be together, but a part of me still grieved for what could've been between us. I thought that it would get easier, seeing her with someone else. Only it hasn't, and I don't know if I'll ever get over the pain of not acting on this.

_You look so beautiful tonight  
Remind me how you laid us down  
And gently smiled before you destroyed my life_

I can still remember the way I felt her presence light up when she and Jag exchanged their wedding vows. They asked me to be there and of course, I agreed. It's a good thing I know how to keep my emotions under control. I shed a few tears of course, and I told them that they were tears of joy. 

I lied.

_Would you find it in your heart_

_To make this go away  
And let me rest in pieces_  
Jaina will never know that I dream of her at night, wishing she were mine. She'll never know that I'll never love someone like I've loved her.

_Would you find it in your heart?  
To make this go away  
And let me rest in pieces_

And now she wants to know what's wrong with me, why I'm distancing myself. She's looking at me with that beautiful brandy gaze of hers. How can she be so oblivious to my feelings for her? How can she not see the love in my eyes every time I look at her? How can she know that Jag will never love her the way I love her?

_Would you find it in your heart?  
To make it go away  
And let me rest in pieces_

I just want her to leave me alone. I want her to go away. She doesn't know that she has destroyed the only reason I ever really lived in the first place. I was born to love her. And now she's gone. Again she asks me why I'm acting this way. 

I can't tell her.

I wish I could._  
Look at me, my depth perception must be off again  
You got much closer than I thought you did  
I'm in your reach  
You held me in your hands_

And now she reaches out a hand and puts it on my shoulder. I wish she wouldn't do that. I love having her touch me. Every time she hugs me, I just want to hold her until I'm too weary to let go. I've never let anyone in the way she managed to slip past my defenses. And now I'm paying the price. She belongs to Jag. Not me. Her hand is still on my shoulder and I shrug it off, trying to act nonchalant about it. She can't know that I'm in love with her. She's happy with him and I'm not about to destroy that. Even though I know that I could make her happier._  
  
_

_But could you find it in your heart?  
To make this go away  
And let me rest in pieces  
  
_

I walk away from her, desperately pleading with the Force to not let her follow me. I've got to get out of here before she figures out why I'm_ acting the way I am. I love her and she'll never know. And I'll never love again. I guess I've accepted the fact that I, Kyp Durron, am resigned to lead a lonely life. ___

I head to the tapcaf, not really wanting to be around people, but more or less wanting to find something to drown myself in. A pretty blonde asks me to dance. I have nothing better to do, so I dance with her. She laughs and smiles at me. And for once, I don't think about Jaina. I'm caught in the moment of being with this pretty girl. I smile for the first time in Force knows how long.

Maybe there's hope for me yet.

_Would you find it in your heart?  
To make it go away  
And let me rest in… _

*FIN*

R&R please!!


	2. Angel

This one goes out to **Delish** because they were the only one who reviewed my first viggie.

The song is from the soundtrack to the TV show 'The Heights'. It's called How Do You Talk To An Angel?

**ANGEL**

****

_I hear her voice in my mind   
I know her face by heart   
  
_

Tahiri's been my best friend for over five years now. I know everything about her; what she likes, what she doesn't like, why she won't wear shoes…and I tend to forget sometimes. It's not that I don't care it's just that I've…

…been busy. That's what he always tells me. He's been busy. I don't ask for much from my best friend, just a holo every now and again to let me know he's alive. Anakin's convinced that he had to be the new Jedi hero….

_Heaven and earth are moving in my soul   
I don't know where to start   
  
_

Tahiri's changed so much since the last time I saw her. She's grown up. I can't think of any other way to describe it. She's not a girl anymore. What am I saying? Of course she's still a girl! Oh here I go again. I just can't seem to think straight around her anymore. I take one look at those beautiful green eyes and my mind…

I'm not sure I like the way Anakin is looking at me right now. I mean, if it weren't him, it wouldn't be so weird. I've gotten these looks before, from some of the other Jedi apprentices, and I never really minded. But with Anakin, it's different…He's my best friend and I told myself a long time ago that it was never going to be more than that.

Is it?

_Tell me the words to define   
The way I feel about someone so fine_  
  
This is too weird. I mean, it's Tahiri. I can't be falling for her, can I? No. And even if I was, it wouldn't feel like this. I would be able to talk to the girl I'm falling for. I would have this connection with her. I would think that she was the most beautiful creature the Force ever created. I would think she was….Tahiri.

I'm falling for Tahiri.

  
_How do you talk to an angel   
How do you hold her close to where you are   
How do you talk to an angel   
It's like trying to catch a falling star_  
  
I never thought I'd say this, but Anakin's starting to scare me. He's acting so different around me now, like he has something to hide. And it really doesn't help that he won't talk to me anymore. I wish I knew what I did to make him back away from me. I wish he knew that whatever happened, he could talk to me. Wait a minute…he does know that!

  
_At night I dream that she is there   
And I can feel her in the air_   
  


I'm not sure if I can take this anymore. She's so close and yet, I can't seem to find the guts to tell her how I really feel about her. I think she's starting to suspect something. Oh, sithspit! She's coming right for me!

_Tell me the words to define   
The way I feel about someone so fine_  
  


I guess it was a good thing I decided to take matters into my own hands. I knew that Anakin was never going to tell me what was wrong unless I confronted him.

"Anakin Solo! You turn around and talk to me right now!"

It was an amusing sight to see Anakin sheepishly turn around. I wanted to smile, but I knew if I did, that I would lose my resolve for finding out what the problem was.

"Anakin, we've been best friends now for over five years. You know that you can talk to me about anything. Why won't you talk to me?"

Silence.

"Anakin," I pleaded, "talk to me! Tell me what's going on in that-"

I couldn't believe I was doing this. I hadn't spoken two words to Tahiri since I realized that I was in love with her and now I'm kissing her! I pulled away and braced myself for the slap.

"Oh." Tahiri breathed.

I opened my eyes. "Oh?"

She smiled. "You should've told me a lot sooner."

I smiled and kissed her again.  
  
_How do you talk to an angel   
How do you hold her close to where you are   
How do you talk to an angel   
It's like trying to catch a falling star  
_  
  
  



	3. Complicated

COMPLICATED

**COMPLICATED**

_I'm so scared that the way that I feel,  
Is written all over my face,  
When you walk into the room  
I wanna find a hiding place,_

Jaina couldn't bring herself to concentrate on the sparring match at hand. In front of her stood Kyp Durron who, by all accounts except for Jaina's, was a very handsome man. He was witty, charming, and completely wrong for her. Or so she had thought. Now, she wasn't exactly sure of how she felt about him. It was, well, complicated. She was with Jag, but somehow she knew that he wasn't the one she was meant to be with. Then again, she wasn't sure if Kyp was that person either.

_Concentrate!_ Jaina told herself. _If you don't, he going to cut you down faster than you can say "sithspawn"!_

Lunge.

Parry.

Sidestep.

She fell into the Force as she blocked Kyp's lightsaber with her own. Then, he threw his lightsaber aside and rushed at her headlong, tackling her to the ground. Jaina's breath was knocked out of her not only by the impact, but from the fact that Kyp was now on top of her, placing them both in a very precarious position. His breath was hot and sweet on her face.

"Got you now, Jay," he said.

_We used to laugh, we used to hug,  
The way that old friends do,  
But now a smile and a touch of your hand,  
Just make me come unglued,_

Part of Jaina wanted to fight back against being pinned, but part of her just wanted to stay there, pinned underneath Kyp. That was the part of her that was enjoying it. She wiggled a little bit, out of discomfort at the thought of enjoying being pinned by Kyp more than anything else. She couldn't believe that part of her was enjoying this. Then, she thought for a moment. It wasn't just part of her that wanted to be pinned under Kyp, it was all of her! She shook her head to clear out those thoughts.

"What? You didn't think I'd be able to win against a goddess?" Kyp's voice jolted her out of her reverie.

Jaina let out a short, indignant laugh. "You're only winning because I'm letting you win. Any minute now, I'm going to spring up and beat the pants off of you."

Jaina could see the expectant twinkle in Kyp's eyes. "I look forward to it."

Jaina didn't say anything to his comment. She couldn't find the words to say at the moment. Her body screamed out for her to do something, anything to relieve the tension she could feel crackling between their bodies. Again, she wiggled underneath him, trying to find a way to free herself from her sudden discomfort. This was Kyp, for Force sakes! She shouldn't feel this way about Kyp, should she? He brought a hand up to smooth the hair away from her face.

"I'm still waiting."

"For what?" Jaina's breathless voice asked.

_It's such a contradiction,  
Do I lie or tell the truth,  
Is it fact or fiction  
The way I feel for you._

Kyp said nothing, but instead pushed himself up and off of Jaina. He stood and offered her a hand, pulling her up and into him. Jaina stood there for a moment, lost in Kyp's embrace. Again, she couldn't seem to find her voice. It was as if all of her senses had chosen to abandon her at this moment, right when she needed them the most. She looked up into Kyp's deep green eyes, drowning in the emotions she could read in them.

Frustration. Passion. Longing. Self-restraint. Those were just a few of the hundreds of sensations she was reading off of Kyp. But an even more curious feeling came to the front of all of them, drowning them out.

It was love.

Kyp was in love with her.

_It's so complicated, I'm so frustrated,  
I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away,  
I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay,_

Jaina was speechless. If she had only known….Well, she wasn't exactly sure what would have happened if she had known sooner. This was too surreal for her to deal with. Kyp couldn't be in love with her! He just couldn't! Her mind looked for any other explanation to what she had felt coming from him. But she knew that it wasn't possible to deny it. But just because he was in love with her didn't mean that she loved him back, did it?

No, she couldn't possibly….Could she? Her mind swarmed with confusion. She knew that she wasn't really in love with Jag, but that didn't mean that she was in love with Kyp. She tried to think of why she wasn't in love with Jag. He was handsome, talented, and he was in love with her. So why didn't she feel the same about him?

"Because you're in love with me."

_Should I say it, should I tell you how I feel,  
Oh, I want you to know,  
But then again I don't,  
It's so complicated._

Jaina pulled away from Kyp's embrace and looked away from him.

"I'm not in love with you. What makes you say that?"

"Come on, Jaina. You're broadcasting so loud that even the non-Force users can hear you. You're in love with me, but you won't admit it."

Jaina said nothing but turned and walked out of the sparring room, seething anger and disbelief at Kyp. How dare he try to read her mind like that?

How dare he do it right?

_Just when I think I'm under control,  
I think I finally got a grip,  
Another friend tells me that,  
My name is always on your lips,_

Jaina didn't speak to him again for another standard week. She was hesitant about showing up for their weekly sparring match, but she knew that if she didn't, it would just prove him right. That was the last thing she needed right now. She walked into the sparring room, finding Kyp sitting in the middle of the floor, deep in meditation. She turned to leave when his voice caught her.

"You're late."

"And you're arrogant. Can we just get on with this?"

Laughing, Kyp rose from his cross-legged position on the floor. He called his lightsaber to him with the Force and ignited the purple blade. Jaina, however, did not.

"What's going on? I thought you came here to spar." Kyp said.

Jaina looked at him. "Yes, I came here to spar, but I had an idea. No lightsabers today. Hand to hand combat. I'm sure I can best you at that."

Kyp laughed and shut down his lightsaber, sitting it to the side. Jaina tossed her to the side as well. "As you wish, Great One."

Jaina ran headlong at Kyp. She launched herself into a complex series of somersaults, finally flipping herself over Kyp, who had turned around by this time and was ready when she landed. A sweeping kick tripped Jaina who fell to the ground on her back. She flipped herself back up and straight into Kyp, whose body absorbed the impact by falling back onto the training mat, Jaina lying on top of him.

"Seems we always end up in this position, don't we?" Kyp laughed.

Jaina tried to push herself off of Kyp, but found that his arms were locked around her waist.

"Let go." She pleaded.

"Don't get excited, goddess."

"Being held by you is not enough to excite me, Kyp." Jaina said, shaking.

"Then why are you shaking?"

Jaina said nothing. In all reality, being held by Kyp was exciting her. But she wasn't going to tell him that.

_They say I'm more than just a friend,  
They say I must be blind,  
Well I admit that I've seen you watch me,  
From the corner of your eye,_

Kyp raised his head up so that his lips were mere centimeters from Jaina's. She could feel his breath feather against them, only causing her to shake even more.

"Why are you shaking?" he repeated.

"I'm not. You're just imagining things."

Kyp leaned in a little closer. Now there was only a hair's width between their lips. Jaina could feel the electricity crackling between them again.

_Oh it's so confusing  
I wish you'd just confess,  
But think of what I'd be losing,  
If your answer wasn't yes._

"I'm so sure I am," he said. Then suddenly, he flipped himself over, placing Jaina beneath him. Before she knew what was happening, he leaned his head down and pressed his lips against hers. She gasped, allowing her mouth to open. Kyp took full advantage of this, deepening the kiss. Jaina knew that she should try to fight him, but she didn't want to. She wanted to stay like this, feeling the voltage that had jolted through her when Kyp's lips had met hers. She had never felt anything like this before.

Never.

_I hate it 'cause I've waited  
So long for someone like you,_

Jaina jerked her head back and pushed Kyp off of her. She sprang up and ran from the room. She ran all the way to her quarters and keyed the door open. Once inside, she locked the door shut and sank against the cool metal of the door. She hadn't just kissed Kyp, had she?

Yes, she had. She wished that she could erase what just happened from her memory, but it was branded in her mind forever. This was the jolt she had been searching for, so why wasn't she taking it? The kiss replayed itself over and over again in her mind until a chime on her door comm unit shook her out of her thoughts.

"Solo here," she said.

"Jaina, it's Kyp. Let me in."

_Should I say it,  
Should I tell you how I feel,  
Oh I want you to know,  
But then again I don't,  
It's so complicated._

Jaina stood away from the door after she keyed it open. Kyp walked into her room, her lightsaber in hand.

He handed it to her. "You forgot this."

She reached out and grabbed one end of the smooth metal weapon. Her eyes locked with Kyp's as she tried to tug it out of his hand. But instead of just tugging the weapon out of his hand, she tugged him closer to her.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Making you realize how much you love me."

"Who said I was in love with you?"

"You did. When you kissed me back." And with that, Kyp lowered his head to hers again, catching her lips in a bruising kiss. Jaina stood on her tiptoes, leaning herself fully into the kiss. Kyp pulled away seeing Jaina still leaning into him, her eyes closed and lips slightly parted. Her eyes fluttered open, seeing Kyp looking down on her.

"Sithspit….how do you do that?"

Kyp laughed. "Do what?"

"Make me fall in love with you."

Kyp kissed her again. "That's how."


	4. Gone

GONE

**GONE**

"I'm leaving, Kyp."

This wasn't how it was supposed to be. She wasn't supposed to leave him. Not now. Not ever. But she was, and there wasn't a kriffing thing he could do about it. She had made her choice, even though it killed him to admit it. And she had chosen Jag.

_So much for figuring out what she meant to you before it was too late,_ Kyp thought bitterly. He had figured it out a long time ago, but he didn't want to believe it. He and Jaina were partners; they both knew that. But Kyp knew, deep down, that fate had meant for them to be more than partners.

It had meant for them to be much more than that.

Now she was leaving. Possibly never to return. And still, he did nothing. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't bring himself to stop her. He loved her. And because he loved her, he would respect her decision.

"Kyp?" Jaina said. "Did you hear what I said? I'm leaving. I'm going to the Unknown Regions with Jag."

Kyp nodded numbly, swallowing down his admissions and tears. "If this is what you want." He said.

Jaina shot him a perturbed glance. "Of course this is what I want. You're more than welcome to come visit me. I'll always be your friend. Forever, Kyp."

"Forever," Kyp echoed.

He couldn't even possibly begin to comprehend how this was going to affect him. Jaina and Jag left for the Unknown Regions shortly after she told Kyp.

He didn't follow her.

He didn't hear much from Jaina after that. Then again, he didn't really hear much from anyone after that. Jaina was his lifeline, as much as it pained him to admit it. She was what kept him sane. She was what gave him the courage to get up every morning and face the galaxy. She was what made him dare to dream of something better. But she was gone and with her, she took everything that made his life bearable.

He managed to slip off to some unknown world, build a new, secluded life for himself. In his new reality, he lost all sense of time and being. He only knew the essence of Jaina. Only knew the pain and loneliness that surrounded her. Only knew his unrequited love. And he waited. Waited for the day she would come back to him, if that day ever came. His obsession was the only thing that drove him on now. Visions of her filled his mind everyday. He could feel her all around him. Taste her in the air. He had to bring her back to him.

By any means possible.

"Oh, Kyp…What happened to you?"

Kyp stopped at the sound of the soft feminine voice. One he knew too well. It had been too long since he heard that voice. Fate was playing a cruel trick on him. Jaina was gone for good.

"I asked you a question, Durron. Don't you have the decency to answer?"

Kyp still did not face the voice. "You're not real," he growled. "I'm only hearing you because I want to."

"Damn it, Kyp! Look at me!"

"Why?" he sneered. "You're not real." He felt a small hand grip his forearm. Another figment of his imagination. "Get off me."

The hand retracted from his arm. "I guess I was right. You really are lost."

Kyp finally turned to face the vision of Jaina. "I'm not lost. You left. You took everything I had to live for."

Jaina looked stricken. "Then why do you think I came back?" she said softly.

"You didn't come back. You aren't here."

"By the gods, Kyp Durron, you are the most stubborn man I've ever met. I'm here! I'm real!"

Kyp sneered again. "Then prove it."

Jaina approached Kyp and held out her hand. He wanted to flinch away from her as she caressed his cheek. It felt real enough, but he wasn't exactly sure of what was real anymore. She trailed her fingers along his jaw line, tracing his strong chin and the stubble that had grown in the last few days. Her fingers traced along his lips, sending tiny tendrils of electricity through him. His lips reached out as her palm drifted in front of his face. They managed to brush against the smooth, soft skin of her palm before she pulled away.

"That's not what I came here for." She whispered.

"Then why are you here?" he queried.

"I had to see you. Make sure you were okay."

"Do I look like I'm okay, Jay?"

Kyp watched as Jaina's eyes raked over him. The long months of seclusion had not been kind to him. He barely slept, barely ate. All he did, all day, every day, was think about Jaina. And it showed.

"What happened to you?" Jaina asked aghast.

"You." Kyp said simply.

"What the sith do you mean by that?"

"What I said: you happened to me. You came along and threw my entire universe out of proportion. And just when I had gotten things under control, you up and leave, once again throwing my universe off track! Not anymore, Jay. I can't keep living like this anymore."

"What are you talking about, Kyp? We were only just friends, nothing more."

"Maybe not to you." He said quietly.

"Kyp, I told you I would always be your friend. Why can't we leave it at that?"

Kyp turned from her. "What are you doing here?"

"I told you. I had to make sure you were okay."

"And I suppose Fel knows you're here?"

Jaina hestitated. Kyp turned back around and was greeted by her tear filled eyes. He reached out to her with the Force and was instantly assaulted with Jaina's raw grief.

Jag was dead.

Jaina stayed in Kyp's dwelling for many days. How many, Kyp did not know. Time was of no consequence to him anymore. All that mattered was that Jaina was there, even if she was still grieving for Jag. Part of Kyp grieved for the young pilot, whom he had considered a friend. But an even larger part of him was concentrated on Jaina, on helping her through her pain. Whether or not she would ever love him didn't matter anymore. All that mattered was Jaina.

Weeks passed, even months passed and still Jaina burned for the loss of Jag. Kyp was patient, being there to offer a shoulder for Jaina to lean on. If all she wanted right now was friendship, then that was all he would offer her.

So he waited. Waited for the day when she no longer grieved as much for Jag. Waited for the day when she could start to move on with her life.

He waited.

Kyp woke in the middle of the night to the all too familiar sound of Jaina's tears. He slipped out of his bed and threw on a tunic. Padding down the short hall to Jaina's room, he tried to reach out to her and let her know he was coming.

_NO! I don't want you here!_

Jaina, I'm coming in there whether you like it or not.

Please, Kyp, don't.

Why not, Jay?

As was becoming the ritual, Jaina did not answer Kyp's question. She often did that when he wanted to know what was wrong with her. He knew better right now than to push her. She would always answer when she was ready. And he made sure she knew he would always be there to listen to her when she was.

Kyp reached the door to Jaina's room and gently knocked, not expecting her to answer it.

She didn't.

In fact, she had locked herself in the room. Locked herself away from Kyp, away from reality. In all the time she had been there, she had never once locked her door on Kyp. Nor had he locked his door on her. It was an unspoken trust between them, the open doors. But now Jaina was shutting herself away from him. Force only knew what she was doing. Her pain drove her to the edge at times.

"Jaina!" Kyp cried out.

Jaina still didn't answer.

"Jaina, come out!"

She still would not response to him.

_Desperate times call for desperate measures,_ Kyp thought. He reached out with the Force and unlocked her door. Nothing could've prepared him for what he found.

Jaina was dead. She had killed herself.

Kyp sat on the floor of Jaina's room, cradling her motionless body. Time passed and still Kyp sat with Jaina's body. She was gone. She had taken herself away from him again. She wasn't coming back.

Only this time, Kyp followed her.


	5. In His Eyes

IN HIS EYES

**IN HIS EYES**

He watched her every move on the monitor. The way she carried herself, the way her face reacted. And he knew that this was the woman she had become. She was an aristocrat, a politician. She was no longer just the battle-tested warrior he once knew. She was a different kind of warrior, one that dealt with far more deadly foes that wielded more powerful weapons. She was a different woman now, a stronger woman. One that, he feared, did not need him any longer.

Jacen sighed. They had been friends for so long, something more as of recent, though they were not quite lovers yet. Jacen didn't want to lose her, but he feared he had no choice in the matter. He sat back down on the bed. He couldn't even really call it his bed, though he had been sleeping in it every night. It was her bed.

Her room.

Her world.

He was the outsider, desperately trying to find a niche to call his own.

She was so tired of this life. She was tired of the constant pressures. She wanted nothing more at this moment than to be with him. She wanted to be lying in his arms. She wanted to taste his lips, to be wrapped up in his strong arms. She wanted so many things but was not allowed to have them.

_It is ironic_, she thought. _I am a queen. I have everything I could ever need and more. But the one thing I truly want, the one thing I truly need, is the one thing I cannot have._

She could remember with perfect clarity the first time Jacen had pledged his love for her.

_"I'm tired of fighting the way I feel for you,"_ he had said. _"You can deny that you don't love me. You can deny that you have never felt for me the way that I feel for you. But I won't, not anymore. I love you and there isn't a damn thing you or anyone else can do about it…"_

Her world was completed when he spoke those words to her. And yet, she knew their happiness would not last, could not last. It just wasn't possible. Not unless she did something extreme…

Tenel Ka suppressed a sigh. The plan was forming, but its success depended solely on Jacen.

The door to her private chambers slid open, revealing Jacen's sleeping form sprawled out on the bed. Tenel Ka pushed a tiny tendril of thought at him as she stepped into the room and over to her bureau, removing the ornamental trappings of her station. Jacen stirred but did not wake. She held back a laugh and pushed another thought toward him, this one more suggestive than the last. Jacen's eyes shot open.

"You sure know how to wake a guy up," he remarked.

A small smile played on Tenel Ka's lips. "This is a fact."

Jacen laughed and rose from the bed illuminated only by the moonlight streaming in the room. Tenel Ka's eyes raked over his bare-chested body, memorizing the contours of his finely chiseled form. Even after seeing him like this hundreds of times, she could not overcome the upwelling of love that sprung forth from her. If there was one thing she could honestly say she had done right in her life, it was loving Jacen.

Jacen pressed a kiss against Tenel Ka's russet hair. They spent most nights like this, lying in each others arms, savoring the company. This was when he was the happiest. This was where he belonged, here, with her in his arms. For the longest time they lay together, listening, thinking.

Tenel Ka lifted her head from Jacen's chest, her hair a halo of fire surrounding her face. To Jacen, there had never been a more perfect vision.

"What are you thinking, love?"

Jacen flashed her one of his infamous Solo grins. "How much I love you. How much I want to stay like this."

Tenel Ka set her face in a determined mask. "What are you _really_ thinking?"

Jacen's smile faltered almost imperceptibly, but it was enough that Tenel Ka noticed. She pushed on. "You must tell me, dear Jacen. Our relationship is not one that hides things."

"No, no, I suppose it isn't. It never has been." He fell silent.

Tenel Ka could feel the uncertainty rolling off him. She knew, as he did, that they had reached a crucial stage. Their futures, together or otherwise, depended on this night. Their gazes locked for several long moments taking stock of each other.

Jacen broke first. He pressed another kiss on Tenel Ka's lips. He allowed the urgency, the pure passion he felt for her to build in the connection. Though they had been sleeping in the same bed, they had not made love yet. Jacen would not rush her. It had to be her decision. He broke the kiss and pushed himself away from her.

Tenel Ka's eyes were clouded by passion as she looked up at Jacen. She wanted him more than he could ever know. She leaned up to kiss him again, only to have him push her away.

Jacen hated to push her away like that. He hated seeing the hurt and confusion radiating from her steel-hued eyes, but something about this was not right. He sat up and gingerly pushed Tenel Ka off of him, regretting every step it took to put a safe distance between their bodies.

"We have to talk," he said as he crossed the room and settled into a plush armchair.

Tenel Ka rose from the bed, her iridescent blue robes flowing around her as she stepped closer to him. "What is on your mind?" she queried.

"Stop right there! Please! Sit back down; you're not making this any easier for me."

Tenel Ka sat, looking outwardly patient while waiting for his words. Inwardly, though, her turmoil raged and ravaged her consciousness.

Jacen continued. "What are we doing? I mean, what are we really doing? How long can we continue on like this? I want nothing more than to spend every waking moment with you, but I am not allowed. I am forced to stay here, locked in this room, a prisoner of my love for you. I can't go on like this any longer, Tenel-"

He was silenced as she leapt from the bed and placed her mouth over his mouth. She poured out all of her longing into the kiss, opening herself to the Force, silently willing him to do the same. As he opened himself, she let the emotions that she kept so carefully guarded spill forth from her. Jacen gasped at the overwhelming love he felt washing over him. Tenel Ka pulled back.

"We are in love, Jacen. That is what we are doing. If you will allow it, we could make love, but only until we resolve this. I know that you feel as if you are a prisoner here. I feel the same way. Believe me when I say that I want nothing more than to shout from the highest cliffs of Gallinore how much I am in love with you. Jacen, love, stay with me. Be with me. Marry me."

Jacen's eyes widened at the impromptu proposal. "Are you sure? You do know what this will mean. I will no longer be the Jacen you know. I will be forced into the role your society has for those who dare marry their queen. Could you live treating me little better than a slave?"

Tenel Ka shook her head and smiled coyly. "It will not be that way."

"How can you say that?"

"I did not ask you to be my consort. I asked you to be my husband. And my husband you will be if you accept my proposal. Not my consort. Not my slave. My husband."

Jacen laughed and shook his head. "I thought it was supposed to be the other way around. I always thought I'd be the one to ask you." He ran his fingers through her red-gold hair, the silky texture playing havoc with his senses.

Tenel Ka's steel eyes bored into Jacen's brandy ones. "And your answer?" she breathed. "What of your answer?"

Jacen said nothing but stood and swept Tenel Ka up into his arms.

Tenel Ka lay with Jacen, reveling in the new awareness she had just been introduced to. Everything felt different, sounded different. Even the steady rise and fall of Jacen's chest was augmented somehow. She turned herself over feeling the warmth of Jacen's exposed flesh on hers. Lifting her head, her eyes connected with Jacen's. In them, she found solace, strength, warmth. And love. Unconditional, unbridled love. She said nothing. She didn't have to. In his eyes, she found the answer she was searching for.

And as she drifted into a peaceful slumber, she heard one word carried on the soft breeze that wafted through their room.

"Yes."


	6. Protected

PROTECTED

**PROTECTED**

_Who can say for certain  
Maybe you're still here_

Tahiri Veila-Solo traced her fingers over the smooth stone of the gravestone. Tears burned in her eyes, but she refused to let them spill. It had been six months since Anakin had died, leaving her and their unborn child alone. She stood, tracing the name carved into the cool stone, for hours. When she finally spoke, it was a hushed whisper.

"For the longest time, you were the only one who could ever have a hold on my heart. You were my best friend, my first kiss, my first love. You still are, Anakin."

Tahiri choked back a sob. She couldn't let herself cry just yet. She had so much she needed to tell Anakin.

"Why did you have to die? Couldn't you have stayed a little while longer? You promised you wouldn't leave…" Tears began to spill over her eyelashes. Her hand went to her swollen stomach. "You promised us you wouldn't leave."

_I feel you all around me  
Your memory's so clear_

Tahiri stood silent for a few moments, remembering Anakin. Memories flashed through her mind: their first kiss on Yag'dhul, the mission to Myrkyr where he had almost died, his proposal to her on Mon Cal and her enthusiastic reception of it, their wedding on Coruscant after the end of the Yuuzhan Vong war. She remembered the last mission that she and Anakin had taken on for the Jedi, to Tatooine, to the last cell of Yuuzhan Vong resistance. They had arrived in the middle of a massive movement from the Yuuzhan Vong survivors to overtake the desert planet. Anakin, of course, had to be the first into the foray when they had landed. He told Tahiri she needed to stay behind, but she was not about to listen to him. Working together, they managed to get the Vong survivors to come to a cease-fire. As the sides of the conflict had met, Tahiri remembered, Anakin stepped forward to greet the leader of the Yuuzhan Vong. The leader wanted nothing to do with Anakin or the Jedi Tahiri had realized all too late. She knew she had failed Anakin as the leader had unsheathed his coufee and plunged it into Anakin's back. The Yuuzhan Vong fled, satisfied with having dealt a crippling blow to their adversaries. Tahiri stuck to Anakin's side as she felt his life draining from him. The blood poured forth from his back, soaking her clothes and skin, staining them bright red. She held him in her arms.

_"Tahi, you need to leave here. It's too late for me. You've got to get somewhere safe." Anakin said._

"I'm not going to leave you Anakin. It's not too late. You have to live. I need you," She took his hand and guided it to her stomach, to the baby she had just found out about before they had left Mon Cal for Tatooine. "_We__ need you."_

Anakin's eyes widened. "Tahiri, you're-?"

Tahiri nodded. "We're going to have a baby, Anakin."

Anakin smiled. He started to say something to her, but his breath caught in his chest and his eyes glassed over. He let out a last shuddering sigh and was gone.

Tahiri wept.

Tahiri swiped away the lonely tear that trickled down her cheek. Memories were all she had of Anakin now.

_Deep in the stillness  
I can hear you speak  
You're still an inspiration_

"Tahi, stop crying,"

Tahiri turned around and gasped involuntarily. She couldn't believe it! Anakin was standing in front of her, looking every bit as handsome as he had the day he died. Her eyes filled with tears again. It wasn't really Anakin, not in the flesh, but a ghost of him, a Force-projection. He wasn't real. He could never be real again. She would never be able to hold him again.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked.

"Because I love you. I want you to be happy."

"I'd be happy if you wouldn't have died!" she cried, touching her stomach. "She'd be happy if you wouldn't have let her without a father! We'd both be happy if you wouldn't have left us! But you did!"

Anakin's spectral form reached out for Tahiri, but she flinched away. "I know you're angry with me, but don't let your anger consume you. Don't make my vision come true. I wish that I hadn't died. Believe me, I want nothing more than to be there with you right now."

"BUT YOU'RE NOT!" she screamed. The tears that she had been trying so hard to keep at bay spilled forth from her eyes, staining her cheeks as she dropped to her knees on the ground.

_Can it be  
That you are mine  
Forever love  
And you are watching over me from up above_

"Tahiri, I will always be there with you. You may not be able to see me, but I'll always be there. I promise you this."

"How can you be sure?" she gasped through her sobs.

"I'm as sure of this as I am of us. You will never be alone. But what I'm going to ask you to do right now is going to be hard, and I need you to promise that you'll do this for me."

Tahiri lifted her chin and stared into Anakin's eyes, trembling. "Anything for you, my love."

"You need to move on, if not for your sake but for the sake of our daughter. Clinging to my memory is the last thing you need to do right now. We'll be together again soon enough. Trust me. I'll always be here, watching over you and her."

Tahiri nodded. She knew that Anakin wouldn't lie to her. She turned away from him to look one last time at his grave. She reached out and traced his name again, then turned from him and walked away. She didn't look back.

_Fly me up to where you are  
Beyond the distant star  
I wish upon tonight  
To see you smile  
If only for awhile to know you're there  
A breath away's not far  
To where you are_

Jaina Solo-Fel watched as her sister-in-law struggled with the labor of her daughter. The young woman lying on the bed in front of her Jaina feared wasn't strong enough to live through the delivery.

_Are you gently sleeping  
Here inside my dream  
And isn't faith believing  
All power can't be seen_

Tahiri was exhausted. She knew that if she could just hold out long enough to deliver her daughter, somehow everything would work out. But she knew that she was dying. She knew, without a doubt, that she would not live to see her baby grow. She didn't want to die, but she didn't have a choice. The Force was telling her it was her time to go. She closed her eyes, gathering the last of her strength to deliver her and Anakin's daughter. She could feel Anakin just out of her reach, keeping his promise to watch over them.

_As my heart holds you  
Just one beat away  
I cherish all you gave me everyday  
Cause you are mine  
Forever love  
Watching over me from up above_

Somewhere in the planes of her mind, she saw Anakin again. She smiled. He was there, supporting her and protecting their daughter.

"It's almost time," he said.

"I know."

"Are you ready?"

"No. I don't want to leave her alone."

"She'll never be alone. We'll always be protecting her, even if she can't see us. Jaina and Jag will raise her right. She'll always know who we are."

Tahiri smiled. "She'll never be alone," she repeated. Tahiri retracted from Anakin and back into the reality of the medward, back to the birth of their daughter. She could see Jaina watching her, worried. Tahiri motioned for her to come closer.

"I'm not going to be with you much longer, but I want you to do something for me."

Jaina looked on her sister-in-law. "Anything."

"I want you and Jag to raise your niece. Please, it's what Anakin and I want."

Jaina nodded, the tears swelling in her eyes. "We will."

Tahiri sighed and touched her stomach. "She wants out," she chuckled lightly.

Jaina half-laughed, half-cried. "I think that your daughter should meet her mother at least once."

Tahiri smiled. "I'll always be with her, Jaina. Make sure she knows that."

"I will."

_And I believe  
That angels breathe  
And that love will live on and never leave_

Tahiri pushed with all her strength, knowing that she was moments away from meeting her daughter. She felt the pain rip through her as she was brought into the world. Cighal handed the tiny infant to Jaina, who held her up for Tahiri to see.

"Want to hold her?" Jaina asked.

Tahiri nodded weakly. It comforted her to know that her last moments would be with her daughter. She took the petite bundle into her arms, tears spilling from her eyes. Her daughter was just like her father, blazing in the Force and a warrior at heart. She feathered a kiss against the little girl's forehead.

"Hello, Akiva." Tahiri whispered. "Always remember that your father and I love you." She offered Akiva to Jaina, who tenderly accepted her. Then Tahiri drew a shaking breath. With a sigh, Akiva was left without a mother.

_Fly me up  
To where you are  
Beyond the distant star  
I wish upon tonight _

_To see you smile  
If only for awhile to know you're there  
A breath away's not far  
To where you are_

Tahiri stepped toward Anakin, amazed that she was actually with him again, but sad that she had left Akiva alone.

"She's not alone. I told you that."

"I know. Mother's worry. Can't help it."

Anakin took his wife into his arms and pressed a kiss against her hair. It had been too long. And now, they had forever to be together. Tahiri stepped away from Anakin's embrace.

"Do you really think she'll be okay?"

Anakin nodded and Tahiri relaxed slightly. They held each other for a long time, though time no longer had bearing on either on of them. Just being together was enough. After a while, Anakin spoke.

"I like her name. Akiva. What does it mean?"

Tahiri smiled. "It means 'protected'."

_I know you're there  
A breath away's not far  
To where you are_


	7. Without Interruptions

WITHOUT INTERRUPTIONS

**WITHOUT INTERRUPTIONS**

"You just won't admit it!" Jaina shouted.

"What won't I admit?" Jag countered.

"That you're in love with me." Jaina replied, smugly.

"WHAT!?" Jag sputtered. "_Me_ in love with _you_?! I think you've got it turned around. You're in love with me!" Leaving before Jaina could come up with a retort, Jag stalked out of the hangar bay, leaving behind quite the amused audience who were already starting to place bets on when the two young pilots would get together.

_Don't think that you got me girl  
Don't think you can tame me and change me  
Don't think that it's all because of you_

She thinks I'm in love with her! I can't believe this! How could I be in love with her?! Moreover, the entire hangar seems to think the same thing.

Well, I'm not!

There I said it….I am absolutely, positively not in love with Jaina Solo. If anything, she's in love with me!! She's the last person in the galaxy that I would fall for, thank you very much. She's a stubborn, cynical, spoiled rotten Jedi princess. She is exactly the opposite of what I want in a woman. I'll never fall for her.

_Just because I don't run around  
Just because we're together forever  
Don't you think of a four letter word to use_

I don't care what he says. He's in love with me. Well, tough for him! I'll never fall in love with him! How could he even accuse me of something so heinous?! Me loving Jagged Fel? That'll be a cold day in any of the nine Corellian hells…Ha! Me and Jag, that's really funny….

What's more, my father would kill me if I fell for the stuffy, stuck-up son of his greatest enemy. I can just imagine the kinds of tortures my dad would inflict upon Jag….Now wait a minute….

That would almost be worth the effort to get Jag to fall for me. I wonder what method my dad would use to torment him first. Maybe carbonite? Nah…too conventional. This could be interesting. Besides, he may be stuck up and everything, but he's not too bad in the looks department.

"I'd be happier in a flight suit," she said ruefully.

"No doubt, but you look lovely all the same."

Jaina turned to watch Prince Isolder guide Tenel Ka through the elaborate dance steps, her cheeks burning from Jag's unexpected compliment. Diplomatic dinners bored Jaina, but she had no choice but to attend. At least the presence of Jag was a welcome distraction. Jaina was enthralled in watching Tenel Ka and her father. They seemed to move effortlessly through the dance.

"I wonder what might happen to a man to a man who stepped on her toes," Jag mused.

Jaina turned and looked at him, shooting him a look of mock surprise, as if he should already know the answer. She was pleased to see the corners of his mouth lift into a small, reserved smile. "Their heads are mounted on the trophy room wall," she said with mock seriousness.

Her heart skipped quite a few beats as a slow, wide smile spread across his face. She wanted to do something, anything to make the smile stay on his face. She looked out at the crowd of now swirling colors and an idea struck her. It may be her only chance to make Jag fall for her. She leaned in conspiratorially and nodded to the crowd.

"They've created a diversion. We could probably sneak out and look around for those trophies."

Jag rose from his seat and gave her an extremely formal bow. "May I have the honor of shared evasive maneuvers?"

_So what if I just don't want anybody else but you  
So what if you're all I ever really wanna do  
I know what you're thinking but that doesn't make it true  
Believe me, baby_

So Jaina's acting human towards me. I wonder if she was a droid or something and maybe she's had a memory wipe…No, she's up to no good. I think she's trying to prove me wrong about the whole "You-know-you're-in-love-with-me-but-you-won't-admit-it" thing. Sorry to burst your bubble, sister, but it's not going to work. Try as you may, Jaina, but I will not fall in love with you. Even though you look stunning in that gown, with your hair up, and your exposed skin looking so smooth and ready to be kissed….Wait! Snap out of it, Fel! This is just what she wants! But, Force, she looks so good right now….Just one dance won't hurt.

_I'm not in love  
No not at all  
What makes you think  
You made me fall?  
I slip but no, I'm not in love_

Okay, so he's a decent dancer. And he cleans up nice. And he actually does have a sense of humor. But that doesn't mean that BAM! just like that, I'm going to fall in love with him. I guess I did have a good time with him at the reception. I mean, he's not too bad overall. If only that stupid ex-queen wouldn't have interrupted us! I could've carried out my plans and gotten Jag to fall for me. Though I don't think I'd mind that. I bet he's probably a really good kisser…Now, just a minute!! What in the Sith am I saying?! I am not going to fall for him! That's not part of the plan. So then why am I up in the middle of the night trying to plot ways to get him alone? Oh, kriff!! I've got to stop this!

Okay, I'll stop it after I get him to kiss me….

_So what if I just can't sleep at night?  
I see your face in the starry sky  
So high above  
But girl, I'm not in love_

I almost did it. I almost kissed her. Good thing Ta'a Chume stepped in and stopped me before I made a fool of myself. That is exactly the last thing I need to do right now. I'm supposed to be here gathering information, not playing games with Jaina Solo-Fel. Now hold on!! I did not just think that! I did not just put my last name onto her last name…No…no I couldn't have. But I did. Oh, sweet mother of Thrawn! I've got to put an end to this! I am not going to fall in love with Jaina Solo-Fel! Solo! Solo!

_Don't think that you got it made  
Don't think it's so easy to keep me  
Never know, it could all just fade away_

Later that night….

Jag woke from his sleep with a start. As the sleep cleared from his eyes, he realized the white-sheathed figure at the side of his bed was Jaina. His eyes narrowed in annoyance.

"What are you doing here?" he snapped.

Jaina seemed unfazed. "I need to talk to you," she said gently.

Almost too gently. Jag felt his icy demeanor warm. He sat up, silently thanking the Force that he had remember to wear sleep pants to bed tonight. He looked at Jaina, who was wearing a satiny white nightgown. He gathered the covers around him and moved over, motioning for her to sit.

"What do you need?" he said as he ran a hand through his short black hair.

"I need to tell you something, Jag," Jaina whispered. "I need to tell you that I love you."

Jag's eyes widened. He was right! She was in love with him! But there was one problem.

He was in love with her too.

He turned his face to look at her and almost jumped back when he realized just how close they were. He could feel her cool breath on his face and he lost all sense of his resolve right there. He placed his hand on the back of her head and drew her to him, catching her lips in a tender, tentative kiss. He teased her lips open and explored every crevice of her now-eager mouth. His nerves stood on end as Jaina ran her hands through his short hair and down his neck. They traced their way down his neck and over his shoulders, his muscles clenching under the contact, her touches feather light. He groaned into her mouth, running his large hands through her thick, silky hair, lavishing on it the attention he wanted to give to the rest of her body. She broke away from him and swept her hair to the side, exposing the creamy skin of her neck. Jag's gaze fixed to the nape of her neck. He vaguely remembered wondering what it would feel like to kiss her neck. He lowered his head to her bare flesh, finding the spot on her neckline where her heart pulsed. He nuzzled the spot with his nose and opened his mouth to kiss the skin.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Oh kriff!! It was just a dream. Stupid comlink….I should smash that thing against the wall! I doubt I'll ever get to do that with Jaina. I guess all I can do for now is dream. But why am I dreaming about Jaina like that? Kriff, it was so real! I could feel her sitting next to me. Why?! I am not going to fall for her!! I can't!

I won't!

I mustn't!

I am…oh gods, I'm in love with Jaina Solo.

_So what if I just don't want anybody else but you  
So what if you're all that I ever wanna do  
I know what you're thinking but that doesn't make it true  
Believe me, baby_

Jaina didn't know why she was standing beside Jag's bed. She just knew that her restless feet had brought her here. She reached out a hand to wake Jag, but his eyes shot open and narrowed.

"What are you doing here?" he snapped.

"I need to talk to you, "Jaina said gently, trying to mask her fear.

Jag seemed to soften. He gathered his sheets and moved over, motioning for Jaina to sit. She did so, hesitantly. She silently wished she were wearing something a little less revealing right now. It didn't help that Jag was clothed only in his sleep pants. Her eyes raked over his bare-chested silhouette, taking in the contours of his wiry form. Jaina mutely wondered what it would be like to be held in his arms. Without even realizing it, she had moved closer to him. So close, that she could feel his body heat radiating off him.

"What do you need?" Jag asked, running his large hand through his short black hair.

Jaina hesitated. Why was she here? She opened her mouth to speak, willing something, anything to come out. She vaguely heard herself speak, her voice just above a whisper. "I need to tell you something, Jag." He looked at her questioningly and then turned away. She continued. "I need to tell you that I love you." In the darkness, Jaina saw Jag's eyes widen. He turned to face her. It was then she realized just how close they were sitting. She didn't say anything, but held her breath in anticipation. Jag turned toward her and her stomach flipped. All the Jedi calming techniques in the galaxy couldn't quiet her mind as Jag brought his hand to the back of her head and gently guided her towards him. Her lips met his softly at first, but she could feel Jag's eagerness to progress things. Jaina willingly opened her mouth to his. Jaina brought her hands up and ran them through his short black hair, the velvet-like texture playing with her nerves. She ran her hands down his neck and traced his shoulders, feeling his muscles stiffen under the contact. She sighed as he brought his strong hands up and tangled them in her hair. She could care less about how Jag thought her hair felt. She wanted his lips all over her. She wanted him to be able to taste her skin. She broke away from him and swept her hair to the side, noticing that his gaze was fixed on the nape of her neck. Gods, how she wanted him to kiss her neck. He brought his head down, finding the pulse point on her neck and nuzzled it. She could feel his lips nearing the skin.

_Jaina, wake up! We've got patrol!_

Sith, Kyp! Did you have to wake me up now!?

Okay, now why did I have to dream about Jag? I know that he's probably sitting in his own room right now, not even giving me a second thought. But, sithspit, that dream was so good! If he's half the kisser he was in that dream, I can die a happy woman…

But, it was just a dream, Jaina! You are not going to ever get the chance to kiss him like that. He hates you, remember? Oh gods, if I could just kiss him….Now hold on! I should not be thinking about making out with Jag Fel. I should not be thinking about how much I want to feel his strong hands running through my hair. I should not be thinking about how much I'm in love with him.

Oh gods, I'm in love with Jag Fel.

_I'm not in love  
No not at all  
What makes you think  
You made me fall?  
I slip but no, I'm not in love_

I absolutely cannot even think about talking to Jaina right now. What if I let it slip that I love her? Thrawn, she'll think I'm the biggest idiot in the world. I can't believe this! Why did I have to fall in love with the one person in the galaxy who utterly detests my very existence?

This just isn't fair.

_What if I just can't sleep at night?  
I see your face in the starry sky  
So high above  
But girl, I'm not in love_

This is just great. Jag is avoiding me. I finally come to my senses and figure out that I love him, and he completely ignores me! That just seems to be my luck. No…no that's not my luck! I'm a Solo! I've got the Solo luck on my side! So what if Jag hates me? I'm going to tell him how I feel anyway. I've got nothing to lose.

Except my heart.

_So if my heart just skips a beat  
What if I lose a little sleep?_

Jaina ran across the hangar to catch up with Jag. She had to tell him how she felt, regardless of the fact that he probably didn't feel the same way about her. He seemed to know she was following him because he simply quickened his pace, trying to make it back to his quarters before she could catch him.

_Oh no you don't, Jag Fel_. Jaina thought.

She got to his quarters just as the doors slid shut. She stood there, staring dumbfounded at the door. She didn't know how long she stood there, but she finally built up her nerve. She brought her shaking hand up to press the door comm.

"Who is it?" Jag's voice said.

Jaina froze. If she told him it was her, he wouldn't answer the door. Then again, if she didn't give him a good excuse, he wouldn't answer the door. It didn't matter either way because Jag had apparently become tired of waiting. The door slid open. The expression on Jaina's face was something akin to a nerf caught in speeder headlights. Jag stood before her, wearing only his sleep pants. Jaina tried, in vain, to keep her eyes from raking over his body.

_Kriff, why does he have to look so good?_

Jag didn't seem to notice. Either that or he decided not to comment.

"What do you want?" he asked, a bit annoyed.

Jaina put on her best goddess face. "I need to speak with you, Colonel Fel. May I come in?" she said haughtily.

Jag stepped to the side and allowed her to enter.

_I'm not in love  
No not at all  
What makes you think  
You made me fall?  
I slip but no  
I'm not in love_

Jag was slightly surprised when Jaina showed up at his door. And now she was in his room and he was only in his sleep pants. Not a good combination.

"What do you want, Great One?" He allowed enough sarcasm to creep into his voice to allow Jaina to get the hint that he wanted her to leave. Now.

Jaina allowed the goddess façade to fall. "Please don't call me that, Jag. I hate it when they call me that."

Jag stepped toward her. "Then what do you want me to call you?"

Jaina hestitated. "I want you to call me Jaina," she said, taking an involuntary step back as Jag closed in on her.

"And why would you want me to do that, Jaina?" He backed Jaina into the wall. He brought a hand up and traced her collarbone, visible through her tanktop. He smiled as she took in a sharp breath when his fingers traveled up her neck and brushed her cheek.

"I-I love you, Jag," she blurted out. "I was being stupid when I told you I didn't, but I really do and-"  
He cut off her ramblings with a firm kiss on her mouth. He didn't try to advance the kiss just yet, but he knew that it was sufficient to silence her questions for now.

_What if I just can't sleep at night?  
I see your face in the starry sky  
The way you feel  
It may seem right  
But I'm not in love_

Jaina opened her eyes slowly. "Pinch me," she said.

Jag laughed. "What?"

"Pinch me."

"Why?"

"Because I want to make sure this is real."

Jag said nothing, but lowered his head to hers again. He paused as their lips were a breath away.

"This is very much real, Jaina Solo. Because I am very much in love with you."

Jaina never had a chance to answer. She was too busy living out a dream.

Without interruptions.


	8. Breakin' Me

Breakin' Me

**Breakin' Me**

Jag Fel had had enough. He was tired of the stolen glances, the secret liaisons. He had been in love with Jaina Solo, but he couldn't tell anyone. Except for Kyp Durron, that is. But even Kyp hadn't known the depth of Jag's feelings.

_Everyday, I see your face  
I wished that I stayed  
Don't even know what made me run away  
That's just the way I play the game_

Jag didn't want to deal with it anymore, but Jaina seemed to have some kind of spell over him. So, he rode it out, never fully admitting to Jaina, or himself, just how much she meant to him. That was just the way he was.

_Emotional is not a word I'd use to explain myself  
But now you got me down upon my knees  
Oh baby, please, just take me back_

Then came the night when he first made love to her. He remembered the way she quietly admitted to him the way she felt. That she was in love with him. Deeply in love with him. And somehow, he knew that what he felt was now right, that the hiding had been worth it. He knew that he would find safety in her arms. If only it could've lasted longer than just that night.

_I don't want to be in love  
But you're making me  
Let me up I've had enough!  
Girl, you're breakin' me_

Jag remembered the furball so clearly. The Vong had made another attack on Borleias. Naturally, Twin Suns were the first out into the fray. Jag could see, in his mind's eye, the skirmish they had gotten into. And he had had every confidence that Twin Suns would make it out alright. And they had.

For the most part.

Jaina had gotten caught by a couple dozen or so coralskippers. Jag and Kyp had tried to punch through them.

They just kept coming.

_Now here I am, a half a man  
Just standing alone_

Jaina's ship had been stripped of its shields. Much like when Jag had almost been lost a few months beforehand. The only thing that had saved him then was Kyp, who could do nothing for Jaina.

She was lost, and Jag knew it.

_Just feeling like I lost my only chance  
At happiness when I let you go_

Jag had heard Jaina's orders to return to base. He sat in his clawcraft, numb. He knew that he had to help her. He wasn't going to give up on her, not just yet. He couldn't. So, instead of following orders, he raced back into combat zone, desperate to save Jaina. His gambit seemed to have worked. Jaina was almost free.

Almost.

_I don't want to be alone  
Thinkin' bout you girl  
I've got nothing left to hold  
In my lonely world_

Jag watched as Jaina's ship was pulled farther into the fray, floating helplessly now. Then, it all happened so fast.

A skip shot…

Jaina's cockpit…

Jaina's failed EV attempt…

Jaina smashing into the roof of the cockpit…

Jag's disembodied scream…

_The first time my heart was ever touched  
Was the day I lost your love  
I can feel it in my flesh, my flesh and blood  
But my soul can only take so much_

Jag didn't remember how he survived. The next thing he remembered after Jaina's death was sitting in his quarters, sobbing. He felt as if he had been torn in two. Jaina had been a part of him. He just never realized it.

_So there it is  
Why can't you give it one more try?  
And you and I could find a way to live  
If you let me in just one more time_

Jag was lost. He had nothing left for him. Somehow, he had known deep down that Jaina was the person he was meant to be with. And now she had been taken from him. He pounded a fist on his comm console.

It wasn't fair! First Davin, then Cherith and now Jaina. He couldn't live like this anymore.

_I know you lost your faith in me  
But I still believe_

Quietly, Jag packed his things and sat them on his bed. The bed where just the previous night he had shown Jaina how much she meant to him. Choking back tears, he headed for the hangar. He powered up his clawcraft and blasted out of the hangar bay.

_Can I make you understand?  
Can I make you see?_

The interdictor never knew what was coming. All they saw was the gleam of metallic silver splashed with blood-red heading straight for them.

_I am desperate for your love  
And it's breakin' me…_

As he plowed into the bow of the interdictor, he knew that this was it for him. He smiled.

_I love you Jaina_, he thought.


End file.
